Just because the whole world seems to obsess about romance during one day in the middle of February, doesn't mean you have to.
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Posted February 25, Reviewed by Jessica Schrader. Most of us have a long list of attributes that describe our perfect mate, from general traits — smart, kind, funny, adventurous, understanding — to specific skills and interests — good cook, loves baseball, politically active, likes to travel.
Love is a curious thing and most people are looking for it. Women seem to be especially susceptible to feeling the need to find someone to be with. I cannot tell you how many times I have been in the company of a friend and the subject of their need for a life partner has come up in the course of the conversation.
The neediness and desperation of people often shows through their vulnerability for love. There is just one problem: neediness and desperation are not attractive. I have a girlfriend that is constantly talking about wanting to settle down with a man. Each time I talk to her, she seems to be evaluating every man she encounters as a potential husband.
Desperation and neediness can come across as s of weakness and low self-esteem, which can quell a spark before it starts. When a person is desperate to find a mate, he or she may not realize that conversations with others may be too transparent too soon. You do not have to tell your life story and personal details the first time you meet someone. Part of the appeal of someone is his or her mysteriousness.
When my husband and I met, I was not looking for a boyfriend, much less a husband. I had not given up on the prospect, but I was at a point in my life where that was not my focus.
Because I was focused on my own pursuits at that time, men were coming out of nowhere asking me out on dates. When you are not looking for someone to love, that is when people tend to appear. The simple fact of focusing on other pursuits gives off an air of confidence to others.
Focusing on your own life growth not only makes you a better person, but also makes you a better potential life partner. Allowing love to find you will feel less stressful and more like a match made in heaven, rather than something that is fake and contrived. Constantly looking for love can diminish your ability to be objective about people you meet.
Why you only find love when you stop looking for it
If that objectivity fades, how can you discern who is right for you in a relationship? After a while, everyone seems to be a good fit because you want him or her to be, not because he or she is the right fit.
I have seen women make this mistake and lose their ability to make sound, coherent judgments of the character of others. Also, the idea behind the concept is that the energy you give off is attractive to others.
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Being positive and relaxed will most certainly attract love to you in its own time. Letting love happen naturally will most certainly expedite your finding the right person. When you stop looking, the right person seems to walk in the door unexpectedly. Sometimes it is a psychological idea that when you take your mind off something, it happens. Finding love should not be burdensome, but fun. Do you not think it is more romantic when someone wants to be with you, just because?
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I certainly do. More often than not, when you are desperately seeking love, you will be more likely to date any jerk that comes along. Patience is the key to finding the right person and letting love find you. Rushing into finding someone opens you up to the vulnerability of falling for the wrong person—like someone who may only be looking for a fling. So, next time you are out with your friends, relax, take a deep breath, have fun, and be yourself.
Single and looking for love? while there are always obstacles to meeting the right person, these tips can help you find lasting love and build a healthy, worthwhile relationship.
Do not try so hard to make someone like you. Just let love bloom naturally. You may find yourself in love sooner than you think. Peak-Performance Leadership Consultant Read full profile. We have two ears and one mouth for a reason—effective communication is dependent on using them in proportion, and this involves having good listening skills.
If anything, Zoom meetings, conference calls, and the continuous time spent behind a screen have created a higher level of expectations for meeting etiquette and communication.
Obstacles to finding love
And this goes further than simply muting your microphone during a meeting. Effective workplace communication has been a topic of discussion for decades, yet, it is rarely addressed or implemented due to a lack of awareness and personal ownership by all parties.
It starts with intentional listening and being present. There are stark differences between listening and hearing. Listening involves intention, focused effort, and concentration, whereas hearing simply involves low-level awareness that someone else is speaking. Listening is a voluntary activity that allows one to be present and in the moment while hearing is passive and effortless.
Which one would you prefer your colleagues to implement during your company-wide presentation? Listening can be one of the most powerful tools in your communication arsenal because one must listen to understand the message being told to them. As a result of this deeper understanding, communication can be streamlined because there is a higher level of comprehension that will facilitate practical follow-up questions, conversations, and problem-solving.
Your brain is constantly scanning your environment for threats, opportunities, and situations to advance your ability to promote your survival. And yet, while we are long past the days of worrying about being eaten by wildlife, the neurocircuitry responsible for these mechanisms is still hard-wired into our psychology and neural processing. A classic example of this is the formation of memories.
Case in point: where were you on June 3rd, ? But for those of you who remember where you were on June 3rd,this date probably holds some sort of ificance to you. Maybe it was a birthday or an anniversary. Perhaps it was the day your child was born. It could have even been a day where you lost someone special in your life. Regardless of the circumstance, the brain is highly stimulated through emotion and engagement, which is why memories are usually stored in these situations.
Utilizing these hard-wired primitive pathways of survival to optimize your communication in the workplace is a no-brainer—literally and figuratively. Intentional focus and concentrated efforts will pay off in the long run because you will retain more information and have an easier time recalling it down the road, making you look like a superstar in front of your colleagues and co-workers.
Time to kiss those note-taking days away! While we typically associate communication with words and verbal affirmations, communication can come in all shapes and forms. In the Zoom meeting era we live in, it has become far more challenging to utilize and understand these other forms of language. And this is because they are typically easier to see when we are sitting face to face with the person we speak to. Body language can play a ificant role in how our words and communication are interpreted, especially when there is a disconnection involved. Our brain immediately starts to search for more information and inevitably prompts us to follow up with questions that will provide greater clarity to the situation at hand.
And in all reality, not saying something might be just as important as actually saying something.
These commonly overlooked non-verbal communication choices can provide a plethora of information about the intentions, emotions, and motivations. We do this unconsciously, and it happens with every confrontation, conversation, and interaction we engage in.
The magic lies in the utilization and active interpretation of these als to improve your listening skills and your communication skills. Our brains were deed for interpreting our world, which is why we are so good at recognizing subtle nuances and underlying disconnect within our casual encounters. So, when we begin to notice conflicting messages between verbal and non-verbal communication, our brain takes us down a path of troubleshooting.
Which messages are consistent with this theme over time? How should I interpret their words and body language? Suppose we want to break things down even further. In that case, one must understand that body language is usually a subconscious event, meaning that we rarely think about our body language.
Actively interpreting body language can provide you with an edge in your communication skills. It can also be used as a tool to connect with the individual you are speaking to. This process is triggered via the activation of specific brain regions through the stimulation of specialized neurons called mirror neurons. They also allow the person watching an action to become more efficient at physically executing the action, creating changes in the brain, and altering the overall structure of the brain to enhance output for that chosen activity.
Listening with intention can make you understand your colleague, and when paired together with mirroring body language, you can make Looking for potential romance colleague feel like you two are alike. This simple trick can facilitate a greater bond of understanding and communication within all aspects of the conversation. Distractions are a surefire way to ensure a lack of understanding or interpretation of a conversation, which in turn, will create inefficiencies and a poor foundation for communication.
This should come as no surprise, especially in this day in age where people are constantly distracted by social media, text messaging, and endlessly checking their s. They use up coveted brainpower and central processes that secondarily delay our ability to get back on track. Gloria Mark, a researcher at UC Irvine, discovered that it takes an average of 23 minutes and 15 seconds for our brains to reach their peak state of focus after an interruption. Meetings should implement a no-phone policy, video conference calls should be set on their own browser with no other tabs open, and all updates, notifications, and prompt should be immediately turned off, if possible, to eliminate all distractions during a meeting.
These are just a few examples of how we can optimize our environment to facilitate the highest levels of communication within the workplace. Knowledge can only take us so far, but once again, knowing something is very different than putting it into action.
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Just like riding a bike, the more often you do it, the easier it becomes. Master communicators are phenomenal listeners, which allows them to be effective communicators in the workplace and in life. If you genuinely want to own your communication, you must implement this information today and learn how to improve your listening skills. Featured photo credit: Mailchimp via unsplash.
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